How To: Not Take Terrible Facebook Pictures
April 16, 2012
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Facebook is part of our lives. People talk about Facebook like it’s a social event, much like people used to talk about balls and barn raisings. “Have you seen what Ms. Smith wore to the Fredrickton Ball? She is starved for attention,” has turned into “Oh my gosh, have you seen Mary’s status? She just wants attention.”
Facebook is also full of pictures. This can be a lovely way to share yourself with the world and show people that you did indeed go to St. George for Spring Break. But here’s the thing, most of them are crap. I’m sorry, it’s true. Facebook pictures are not good, and of course, I’m speaking in general. I’ve seen some pretty great pictures, but mostly they are craptastic.
You will need: 1.A camera, preferably one that is semi-good 2. A little bit of creativity 3. Common sense 4. Steady hands 5. A friend or tripod
As you begin, look around you. Where are you standing? Is it front of something embarrassing? Perhaps, if you are, should move away from that. Is your brother picking his nose in the background? That’s okay, you can stay there and take a picture of it. There are two places you should not be standing: 1. In front of your bathroom mirror. I know that this is very tempting, but nobody wants to see your bathroom. It’s a little bit uncomfortable and weird. And I’ll leave it at that. 2. Locker rooms. This can get you in trouble. Really. Trust me. Don’t do it, it’s even doubly more uncomfortable than the bathroom.
Now that you have assessed your location, think about your photo. What kind is it? Does it happen to be a single shot? Please proceed from caution, this is important. Do not lift your camera up above your head and look at it. It makes your forehead look like Texas. A very shiny, barren wasteland version of Texas. The best way to take single shots is to get a friend to help you, but it can be considered dangerous. If you don’t have a friend to help, get a tripod. If that’s not even available, just put your camera somewhere you can look at it. Or just don’t take the picture.
If your picture is not of only your handsome self, there is only one important thing you must do. Do not move your hand while you are taking the picture. Sometimes, even professional photographers get blurry pictures. However, you are most likely not professional, so you have to be especially careful.
Now we come to another vital part of posting pictures. Look at the pictures. Are there any multiples? Don’t put more than one up. Is it blurry? Don’t post it. Seriously.
If you follow these directions, your Facebook photos shouldn’t be terrible.